O and every time I speak of the dance light up the eyes. Every time I watch a ballet those same eyes become glossy, and then tears flow. I have a particular expression, drowsy, confused, charmed, or so I say because I have never seen from the outside, even with all of myself I try to try. Every time I dance I am free from everything and everyone. There is only me and nothing else. Dance is an outlet, a passion born from a young age, I was five years old when I started. And I do not regret it. I can not imagine what I would do if she had not been there I needed web surfing. I probably would have ended up taking drugs or whatever. When you do not know where to turn ends well. But she, like a mother, a friend, you collect in his arms and cradle you, makes you dance, sing a lullaby, and you fall preda sua. Ti senti confortata, senza pensieri. Ora che ci penso, la danza è un po' come una droga: quando incominci non riesci a farne a meno, se la fai con il cuore.
Dopo tanti anni di danza però, ogni tanto a lezione, mi sento magonata, oppressa da una sensazione strana. Mi vengono gli occhi lucidi, quasi piango, e ritorno alla realtà. Il mondo di fantasia in cui danzavo non c'è più, solo io ed un'asettica stanza.
Conosco il perché di quella sensazione. E' da quando ho avuto "Quella" malattia che mi succede. Lei mi ha rovinato, rovinato dentro e rovinato lo spirito. Grazie a Dio non mi ha ucciso. Sono stata fortunata, ed ancora oggi ringrazio la mia buona stella. Ma si sa, dalla life you never know what to expect, you and I did not expect. I fought with all my strength. Seemed to have disappeared. But every time I dance, it appears as a dark presence, and I'm sick.
I'm angry with you I'm angry with myself, with my body.
All the sacrifices I made to get the physique of a dancer, the extension of the legs, balance, stability, muscle strength, had disappeared. We had put so much effort and dedication to acquire them, years of sacrifice, the first year.
but she had eaten part of me.
I have tried and tried again, to repurchase, as the first physical therapy, then the ballet, trying to recover that penalty I had and that made me a dancer. Even now I try, but I struggle. And I feel humiliated, defeated, knowing that they are regressed with the body, and how hard the face, not as good as before.
I'm also getting older and my body reminds me every time. I do not have the skills that I once had to recover what I lost. Then the music brings forth within you a wave that overwhelms you, you lose your senses, and you feel good. It is said that the dancers are "technical", but the dancers, the real ones are animated, the body must express a thousand emotions, without even saying a word. We are artists, actors we are with our body.
Sarei potuta diventare ancora più brava, forse. Continuo a ballare, il corpo regredito, la mente aperta. Ho bisogno di lei, della danza. Mi ha insegnato la vita, la disciplina, e che se vuoi qualcosa devi lavorare tanto, fare sacrifici.
Ballo con lo spirito. Ballo per sognare. Ballo per sentirmi viva.
G .
